You took everything

4. ledna 2016 v 22:55 |  Myšlenky
There was this guy I met in the club, like, 3months ago. He didn't seem special to me and I didn't pay attention to him. Then, after some time, we happened to dance, and he asked me to come to club next evening. So I did. He was nice. He asked me to go out. So we did. Although I still didn't like him so much. That day we walked my dog and then we went to get some beer. And we talked, a lot. He told me his story and it was so touching. I told him mine. I got this feeling like I trusted him. I think that was the moment I started to like him. In that moment I had a boyfriend, just to mention. And I let him go, because I liked the other guy and wanted to give him a chance.
But he was strange. It was weird. Once he was smiling at me, telling nice things to me, looking at me. But the other day he acted like I didn't exist. I didn't get why he was doing this, but I was telling myself it's because he was really busy. We had some little talks and some serious ones. He told me he doesn't want to take it serious, that he doesn't want to involve any feelings. It kind of hurt me, but okay, I got it.
But he kept on doing the same shit all over again. One day we kissed and then two weeks passed and he didn't even text me or talk to me.
I fell in love with him… with his smile, eyes, face, dancing, body… everything. With the way he talked. I don't fell in love. I had a lot of boyfriends, because I wanted to feel something. But I only loved three of them. It's hard to gain my trust and to keep my full attention. But he got it. And he didn't care. Then I met again one of my ex-boyfriends - those ones I really used to love. He regretted so much he didn't chose me, back then. In the last few weeks he did so many things for me that no one ever did. I think once you're in love with someone, it never goes away.
So I wrote a letter to the guy from the club. Do you know that feeling that you clearly know that the person really likes you? I was sure about that. People was telling me that it's clear I'm important to him and they didn't even know we talked to each other. In that letter I was talking about me standing before decision to be with someone. I was telling him that if he does care about me, it's time for him to realize that. It took two weeks before he talked to me again, but then I came to club and he was acting like he really cares, He even wanted to talk about it. He took me to his place… and in the end, we didn't even talk. He was just trying to have sex with me and I didn't want to, because I knew that the other day he wouldn't talk to me, again. I was right. I got really frustrated and sad and decided to stop dreaming about him. I told myself he was just an asshole and I was trying to keep this thought in my mind. Until the last wednesday. I came to the club and I was ignoring him. I wasn't talking to him. First he was just making jokes, still standing beside me and trying to find out what's wrong, but he knew too well. He said he's sorry, that he can't decide and a part of him really want to be with me. He said he read my letter so many times. We ended up hugging each other and kissing. But it was different. It was real. I saw it in his eyes. Then he told me he wants to be with me, he looked at me like never before and in this moment I knew I loved him. He kept on saying he liked me so much. We were dancing to out song - the song we were dancing to when we met. He was telling me so many beautiful things. I don't know when was the last time I was so, so happy. He walked me home. It was cold, so I took him inside. And… we had sex. Before it happened, I told him I'm scared he will do the same thing again. He said not anymore, now that he decided for me.
He went back home in the middle of the night… and he seemed… cold. Like too many times before.
I was supposed to spend the new year's eve with that ex-boyfriend, he was really looking forward to it. And I cancelled it, because I wanted to be with the other guy. With the one I really love. Though I knew he'll be busy in the club. I looked beautiful when I went to the party. Everybody was looking at me. When I came to the club, I found the guy and kissed his neck. That was everything I did. And guess what. It was just like always before. He was acting like I wasn't there. He didn't even came to say happy new year to me. I was hoping to start the new year together, but it never happened. I was sitting like an idiot nearby him and waiting for him to notice that I exist. I was sad… just sad…
Then some friend of his appeared and started to talk with me. We talked for a while and then we got to that guy. I told him everything, I needed to.
And then it happened… the worst part of the night. He told me he will be honest with me, because he thinks it matters. He told me that the guy told him that if he gets rid of me for him, he'll cook him the best meal he's ever eaten.
I couldn't believe this. I just couldn't. I burst into tears and I couldn't stop. I was shaking and kept on saying I don't believe this. This couldn't be truth.
But it was. He did it on purpose. He wanted to hurt me. No one ever hurt me in this way. Not intentionally. I felt so empty. So disappointed and broken. And now I'm crying again and I still can't believe it. After all those tears the anger came. I ordered a glass of water, went to that guy and splashed it into his face. Well, I felt better for a while. Then I decided to make him angry even more. By smiling, talking to his friends and telling everybody what he's done. They supported me and I felt better because everyone was on my side. They were making me smile and it was so amazing they were trying to make me feel better. I was smiling and laughing so much, yet I felt so sad inside. I don't remember the last time I felt so horrible. It hurts so much. Because I know he lied to me. He was just playing his game so long. He meant to do that. And it didn't even bothered him. And the worst thing was that everybody knew that. And they didn't even tell me.
I always hated people. And I was choosing so well the ones I will trust. And sometimes, I failed. But I have never been through such a mean act. He took everything. He ruined everything I built in myself. He destroyed all the progress I did with my mind just to talk to people. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be here. I'm not here.. This isn't happening..

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